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| My Granny -- doesn't she look cool and elegant! |
On 20th April 2020, she passed away quietly in her own bed.
After the zoom video of the funeral on 23rd April, I find myself full of memories of her. That's why I would like to document our interactions and my memories of her in my blog.
PS: my backup disc is malfunctioning. Once i revive it, i'll try to post more pictures of her and me.
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| One of my few pictures with her |
My first memory of her was going to her place with my mum and my brothers when I'm young.
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| Grandpa, Granny and my 3 brothers |
Their place is a 3 room HDB in Mei Ling Street in Singapore but I remember her and grandfather making all kinds of yummy food for us. I also remember us playing in their house while she and mum chat and chat and chat. Grandpa will do a bunch of silly things like singing and irritating her but she always seems unflappable.
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| My 2 brothers, me, and my cousin Adrian with 2 aunties |
Even though I arrived after 1030 pm, she always make an effort to wait up even though it's way past her 8pm bedtime.
She always has a fresh bottle of water at my bedside table and there's always a big bowl of yummy Cantonese style soup for me. We will chat for a while while I decompress for the day, before we both go to bed.
The next morning I will wake up and she will try to prepare something for me to grab and go, if I don't have enough time to sit and eat breakfast with her.
And she always look at my work clothes and tell me that I dressed too simple and should doll up more.
Looking back, I realized those times summarized what Granny value in life.
- She aims to help when needed
- Food is her way of caring for everyone
- She has a great sense of fashion and she is always well groomed. (sorry, i guess my work clothes failed her fashion test =))
Those times enabled me to establish a relationship with her. However, a year after finishing my masters, I moved to States for work when i was 30. After my move, I will call her once a week to chat. And before we hang up, she always thank me for calling her and keeping her in my thoughts.
Whenever I go back to Singapore to celebrate Chinese new year and see my family once a year, I always make an effort to spend at least a full day with her.
It usually starts with getting Tian Tian chicken rice at Maxwell market (she loves the chicken feet skin & their chilli sauce). After lunch we will chat till 3pm before eating a snack (usually dao sa ang gu guai for her and peanut ang gu guai for me). And we will chat again till 6pm before i leave her place.
I love chatting with her as she has a lot of interesting stories about life and her children.
I love chatting with her as she has a lot of interesting stories about life and her children.
She is well aware of the strengths and flaws of her children and share a lot of great stories with me. She is very wise even though she never had an education. And her moral values echo with my own upbringing.
From what i can piece together she has a tough life. I think she's given away as a child. But she was mistreated by the adopted parents and started working at a young age without an education.
She met Grandpa and got married. After marriage they stayed in a communal housing with the kids till they were able to buy the current flat.
Even though she has a humble job of being a cleaner, she never took a day off work in her whole life. Even though granny does not earn a lot, she made sure all her 4 kids have an education and does not go hungry. She always made it a point to be able to afford everything she needs in life even though she does not spend on luxurious items.
After she has to retire from the hospital job as a cleaner at the age of 55, she held a part time job for 10 years before becoming a nanny and took care of my cousin Alex.
She was given a efficiency medal and long service medal at the end of her service that entails her free medical privileges for the rest of her life.
She has 4 kids and my mum being the eldest. However, she was not able to take care of my mum and work at the same time when my mum was young. So my mum stayed with someone for the first few years of her life till she's able to take care of herself and the rest of her siblings.
After she has to retire from the hospital job as a cleaner at the age of 55, she held a part time job for 10 years before becoming a nanny and took care of my cousin Alex.
She was given a efficiency medal and long service medal at the end of her service that entails her free medical privileges for the rest of her life.
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| Granny's medal for her humble job |
She found her kin brother in the later years of her life and she treasured the times with him. She always said he makes her laugh and make her less stern and serious.
To a lot of people, she is a stern person who does not mingle and chat easily. What is perceived as standoffish is really a personality of keen observation and high intelligence in a humble job that's overlooked by a lot of people, to the point of being transparent.
What's amazing to me is her ability to organize and plan ahead in great detail. She is frequently thinking about what lies ahead and making sure she's ready, to the point of being over-prepared.
For example she made sure she has her funeral picture and money for her own funeral 10 years in advance! Going out with her, she is always dressed and ready to go at least 1 hour before she has to leave.
She is also very meticulous and her home is always clean. She always has a shower at 7am every morning and insists on hand washing her own clothes after her shower till the very last few years of her life.
Unfortunately, her long life ultimately became a lonely life when she outlived her husband and all her friends. I had a peek into her loneliness when she told me she has stopped going to the void deck of her flat every morning. And that's because all her friends in that group passed away. Her weekly outlet at that point was to go to church every Sunday to see her church friends and family and she look forward to it every week.
Even though she is lonely, she is unwilling to impose on her kids and insisted on living by herself as she was unable to see herself living under someone's roof.
In our busy lives, the family frequently forgot about her needs, especially when she is unable to leave her flat easily and crave for her family and friends.
Yet she never has any expectations of any of the family members to relieve her boredom. She is grateful whenever anyone keep her in their thoughts.
Alex is her favorite grandchild and she always look forward to his visits and calls. And loves the flowers that he gets for her.
My cousin Joses always buy her something in every place that he travels and she is in awe of his travels.
She regrets that she cannot communicate with more grandchildren due to language barrier. But she always keeps an eye on everyone life without being intrusive.
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| Granny's experience with all the cousins |
With a long hard working life comes lots of pains and aches as she grew older. She has a lot of frustrations when her body failed before her mind, especially when she is limited in her physical activity. She always tells me that she regrets not spending more on herself when she's younger. When she has the financial capability when she's older, she does not have the physical means to go out and enjoy the simple pleasure of perusing and purchasing something for herself.
Her only nag at me is why I'm still single. I have jokingly told her that I haven't seen enough of the world and I want to travel more. So every year during my annual visit, she always asked me with a twinkle in her eye if I have enough travel experiences.
Her only nag at me is why I'm still single. I have jokingly told her that I haven't seen enough of the world and I want to travel more. So every year during my annual visit, she always asked me with a twinkle in her eye if I have enough travel experiences.
Some of the life lessons that she taught me
- 买鞋带脚去！If you are going to buy shoes bring the feet (aka never buy for someone else who is not there)
- The woman in the family needs to be the financial planner and the saver
- Always own your home as it's your shelter in life
- Save for a rainy day
- Always have nutritious food to take care of your body, even if you spend more
- Take the time on the details no matter what you do (food prep, planning for an event)
- Never use a lid that doesn't fit the pot
- 盖来盖去。Make sure you have enough lids for the pots (its' a Cantonese analogy when someone don't have enough means and end up having to keep moving money around in a desperate attempt to cover expenses that pops up here and there)
- Knowing something and keeping quiet about it is usually better than blabbing
Her funeral details
Singapore is in circuit breaker mode due to covid19 and forbid large gatherings.
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| Social distancing in her flat at the night of her death |
So her funeral is restrained to 10 pax at any point in time.
I am also unable to fly back to Singapore for her funeral as Covid-19 has shutdown global travel
To enter Singapore now implies a 2 week forced quarantine as well. So i have to watch the whole funeral via pictures and zoom video.
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| Cousins doing the midnight and wee hours shift for her wake |
To enter Singapore now implies a 2 week forced quarantine as well. So i have to watch the whole funeral via pictures and zoom video.
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| The setting for her wake |
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| Settings in the crematorium auditorium |
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| Her 4 kids seeing her for the last time |
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| Robot pushing the coffin towards the burner |
Good bye Granny
一路好走。
You told me that your regret in life is you didn't spend more on yourself when you are younger. And you want to make sure you don't repeat that mistake in your next life! Do remember that!
